Posted on 05/17/2010


I recently turned 40 years old. Sure it’s not that big a deal, but it’s still a milestone. 40 is the point where your life should be heading in a certain direction, with choices you made up to this point, propelling you to a specific destination. I’m not saying it’s completely impossible to change your direction at 40, hell I think it’s quite achievable (if you’re willing to put up with the ass-whip of change, which at 40 seems like too much of an ass-whip to me).  But 40 is a good time to reflect on your life and see where you could have made some different decisions. Honestly, there are a few that I wish I could take back, but don’t we all? My next big milestone is 50, and while people may argue that 40 is not necessarily old, 50 is…and don’t even start that shit with me that it’s not old. (You know who you are).

I’ve been thinking about my life, and it’s been a pretty good one. I still have all my limbs, my brain still works, I make a decent wage, my family is not too effed up. Seriously, I couldn’t ask for anything more.  I know that a lot of people hit 40 and start thinking about their place in this world and the meaning of their life, and all that complete and utter bullshit.  I don’t.  See, I’m not an entitle-ist type person. I don’t think I’m entitled to anything but a chance at success. That’s it.  I don’t sit here and contemplate my place in the universe, because honestly, I think that’s hubris at it’s most extreme. Let’s be clear, I am a generic white male who has done nothing worthy of note my entire life. I have raised my kids the best I know how, while making sucky decisions along the way.  I have made and lost a lot of friends. I have started keeping the ones I’ve made lately, merely because I am choosier now. I work as a middle manager, and don’t think I will ever get much higher than that, (and that’s okay). I have a nice wife, a decent house, etc, etc.  What I am trying to say is that, for me to contemplate my position in the universe is utter stupidity.  I don’t really matter in the grand scheme of things, and I’m okay with that. If I die tomorrow, the world will keep on, and only my family will miss me. That’s Kool and The Gang.  To contemplate the meaning of life or what I was put on this earth to do is stupid.  Thinking those thoughts means that I was put on here to make a huge impact, and I don’t think I was. I think I am one of the billions who come into this world, and then exit, and most will never miss.  And truly, that’s okay with me.

I am going to finish out the next 20 -30 years, and enjoy them. I will spend time with my family and friends and relish the time I spend with them.  I am working on working less and spending more time doing what I enjoy.  I know many of you reading this have already passed the 40 year mark and even the 50 and 60 year mark, and probably look at me like some stupid punk ass kid. To be honest, I feel like a punk ass kid. The people under me in age are all ninkampoops who wouldn’t know common sense if it hit ’em upside the head, and all the people older than me, think I am being some melodramatic asshat for even pausing at 40.

Maybe I am, but let’s get this 40 year old party started. I think I will make a kick ass grandpa and an even better lover to my wife when I am old and crusty and smell funny. Oh, and have to take the blue pills, and we sit in bathtubs looking out over some mountains.   I never thought of 40 years old when I was younger. Now I am thinking of 50.  Let’s see where the path leads.

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