Just to let you know the DFWCON website is up and fine. We did get some malware attack, and it’s messing with our redirects from major search engines.  NOTE: this is ONLY for the informational site. The sign up site (event brite) is fine. They are hardened against any attack, so if you’ve signed up, your personal information is fine and safe, and will be if you sign up now. The sites are completely separate.

If you go directly to the site: DFWCON.org  you will have no issues.

We’re working diligently to ferret out the l33t h4x0r who hacked into our site and will be hardening the site against them.

Once again, if you go directly to the site, you’re fine. Just don’t go through search engines (which sucks!).

Thanks for working with us to get through this insanity!!

Jason

http://cjredwine.blogspot.com/2012/01/interview-with-jodi-meadows.html?showComment=1327367095034#c6995357847836458237

Also, when we get to the actual presidential election, we don’t even get to vote for the president. We vote into the electoral college, which is rife with controversy and archaic methods in a digital age.  But it does keep the riff-raff from having too much power in the election (that’s you and me, friend) so I guess it’s not too bad, right?  Google the electoral college and tell me if that’s a good way to elect the leader of the free world.

So what is my plan for improving the state of affairs? (I don’t think there’s a primary in that state—ba-dump-bump—I’ll be here all week, try the fish)

I think American Idol has it right.  I really do.  Think about how many people would watch a reality TV show about the election.

So, my idea is thus:
Each state has people who get to enter into the American President TV show. ANYONE can enter, so long as they pass the constitutional requirements.

That state has people who weed out the lesser candidates (like they have people weed out the average and sucky singers on American Idol).

The top people get to go onto the next round for each state. So let’s say, here in Texas, we have 300 people make it to the next round.  Those 300 then prepare their platform and present it to the preliminary judges. They have to have some merit here. And the drive is on because there are cameras all over the place, watching their every move.  Let’s say the judges then weed out the top 50 candidates based upon their platform and their overall character.  There would have to be some criterion for selections that everyone could agree on.  Some Star Trek geek who still lives at home with his mother might actually make a really good candidate, but when he wants to recreate the entire government in the form a Klingon Grand Council…well, you get the idea.

So when they get it down the top 50 candidates, they then start having debates. (Now, understand, in this scenario, there is no two-party election system. There are NO PARTIES, just PEOPLE. ) The debates are televised with maybe 4 guys a night. And then the folks FROM YOUR STATE vote.  You slowly whittle it down to ONE state winner over a period of a few weeks. Seriously, you could sell commercials and put this on TV every night of the week, and people WOULD watch.

So after each state picks it’s one candidate through the preliminary rounds, you would then go the next level—nationals.

At the national level, there is much more scrutiny. The cameras are more intense. The pressure is crazy.  We get background profiles on each of the candidates, just like on American Idol.  Watching one of them sitting on a swing in Mobile Alabama with some hay stuck in his teeth, while the voice over tells about him growing up.

They then start having the debates on the national stage, and everyone in the U.S. votes.  And each week, two men (or women) go home. Until you are left with your final two. They have one last debate and speech and then the U.S. votes one of them to win.  And we have our new president.  And we actually voted for him. And it was actually fun. And EVERY VOTE COUNTED.  We could even extend the length of the presidency to 6 years, and make the election of the new president an 18 month campaign.  And the leftover money from the advertising could go to the national debt.  It’s a win on so many levels.

Don’t sell your books on Twitter

Don’t freaking do it.  It’s a waste of time, dumb, and categorically repugnant. If you do this, stop. You’re not using Twitter in the correct way to sell your books.  I will tell you the correct way below.

I’ve been at this whole “social media” thing for a long time now. I don’t pretend to be an expert like every third person out there does. (How is it there are so many self- proclaimed experts on something that has zero barrier to entry? Oh…wait…did I just say that?) I can tell you what SEO means, I can tell you all about Google Analytics, how to create a blog, blah, freaking blah blah. All that is shit you can learn on your own, if you just spend enough time on the int4rwebz.

I follow a lot of writers on Twitter. Why? Because I like to write stories of dubious worth and I like to hang out with other writers. It’s a lonely business, sitting in front a monitor and keyboard, typing. A little camaraderie is in order.

But first, a step back. I joined Twitter a very long time ago. Like as soon as it started. But I found no reason for it to exist (sort of like I see no real reason for 4square to exist except to stalk people) but then someone said, “Hey agents tweet.”

Well hell. That was all I needed to know. How else better to befriend people who could help my hopes than the somewhat controlled area of twitter. I started using my account to follow agents. And then other writers starting following me, so I followed them back.

You still with me? <knocks on the screen>

Good, because you see, out of all these writers I was following and who were following me, there were a ton of them, HAWKING THEIR BOOKS EVERY OTHER TWEET.

That is completely STUPID.

You see, NO ONE BUYS BOOKS OFF TWITTER. You’re going to get maybe 2 people to buy your book (out of the ten thousand you tweet every day), and annoy the living shit out of everyone else.  Sure, you’re going to get more followers, but that’s only because you’re following everyone and their uncle trying to get a broader audience.  You’re lazy. You put on an automatic tweet that goes out X number of times per day and call that your freaking marketing plan.

What you need to do is use Twitter properly. Use it to sell your brand.

YOU are the brand. NOT the books. They are the products.

You need to sell yourself to people. You need to get into conversations. You need to do RTs. You need to just be yourself and interact with people. Why? To get them to do some research on you. To get them EMOTIONALLY INVESTED IN YOU. That’s how you’re going to sell books.  Not with an hourly tweet: “Janice’s heart is ripe for the taking, but will Tom take it–or break it? Find out in “Jumping Janice” a romantic thriller! #pubtip #writing #amwriting #as many other effing hashtags as you can fit into the tweet.

Good GOD.

So go onto twitter. Type in what you had for breakfast. Or that you hate it when someone puts too much peanut butter on your PB&J sammich. Tell them how you hate the smell of a wet dog, and like it when the sun shines in your breakfast nook. Those are small things. Those are the items that will get people to comment on you and look you up and find out about you.  You want people to buy your damn book? Let them into your world. Sure you’re an introvert, but you want to sell a book, right?

THAT’S how you use Twitter to sell books.

It’s the time before you fall asleep. That moment when you get into bed, curled up under the covers.

When I was a kid I used to use that time to let my imagination go (not in the way you think—pervert!) and pretend I was in some sort of dangerous situation and hiding from the bad guys. Or I was a traveler who found a small cove to sleep in. Or a survivor of a post-apocalyptic world where The Man was chasing me and I was sleeping in a sympathizers home. 

All kinds of stories! So it was my pretend time.  And I have been captivated by this idea ever since.  But, the thing is, going to sleep is perhaps the most boring time of a book.  When characters start getting ready for bed, and hunker down, the reader is like, “Okay, they’re going to sleep. Get them back into the action.”

I have written stories about some of the items I listed above, travelers, survivors sleeping in a strange place. People finding a hidden corner to sleep in. People sleeping in a giant room with hundreds of others. Lots of times.  But while writing it, I was thinking, “okay, this is boring.” And it is. Most writers just skip the entire getting to bed thing and simply write, “The next morning.”

I completely understand. It’s tough to add tension to a scene where your character is simply prone, not doing much but getting ready to fall asleep.  But it still fascinates me. It is one of my writing challenges to make that few minutes somehow compelling.

Do you have any parts of the day or your life that are fascinating to you, but you just can’t seem to add that same punch you really feel about it? Or am I just weird?

I like most of the old stand bys. My top three are

3. Let it Snow
2. Rockin Around the Christmas Tree (the original)
1. Waitresses Christmas Wrapping

Runner up: So This is Christmas

Now I won’t bore you with the list of the ones I will fight through, but I will tell you the one that is my nemesis!

Freaking, I’ll Be Home For Christmas.

What an absolute GIP of a song.

You don’t think so? Are you scratching your head as to why?

Do you know the lyrics to the song? I will summarize:

“I’ll be home for Christmas”

“I’ll be home for Christmas”

“I’ll be home for Christmas”

“I’ll be home for Christmas”

“I’ll be home for Christmas”

“I’ll be home for Christmas”

“I’ll be home for Christmas”

“I’ll be home for Christmas”

“I’ll be home for Christmas”

“I’ll be home for Christmas”

“I’ll be home for Christmas”

“I’ll be home for Christmas”

“I’ll be home for Christmas”

“If only in my dreams.”

WEAK

LAME

It’s like Bobby coming back in the damn shower on Dallas.

It’s a scam song, and I for one won’t put up with it.

Neither should you.

What are some holiday songs that make your teeth itch?

Go HERE

Now, with that out of the way, I can tell you I have watched all 8 HP movies. In a row. Over the Thanksgiving holiday weekend. And folks, these aren’t short movies.

Why did I do this? My wife wanted to. Thought it would be a fun way to just hang out and chill over the holiday. Fair enough, I thought. I had seen most of the first movie, and parts of the Goblet of Fire, and smidgeons here and there over the years, but I never really watched them.

I think the reason I never got into the HP love fest was because, after watching the first film, it seemed really aimed at kids (yes, yes! I know it’s a kids’ book, but so are a lot of other movies I have seen) and the story seemed to meander around and be just mini-scenes of fun stuff kids do at a school of magic, without much cohesiveness or plot continuity. Yeah, I’m a writer, I look for stuff like this. Maybe it’s because they had to boil the story down to its bare elements to get the movie across, but it felt like I was just hopping from one scene to the next with no over-arcing story in mind. If I was kid, then cool. I am not.

So, I came to this movie marathon with some measures of trepidation. But, I also came to it with an open mind. I mean, if so many people, kids and adults can fall in love with the story then there’s got to be something there, right?

So we watched the first four all in a row on Friday. Yeah, we sat around for almost 12 hours straight. Taking potty and food breaks as necessary.

The Sorcerer’s Stone–I enjoyed it more this time than the last. The sense of wonder and the feeling of poor Harry as you watch him live with his in-laws was fun and a good time. Still, the entire movie felt episodic. And what was the point of the Quidditch match?

The Chamber of Secrets–I have to be honest. I was completely bored during this movie. There was no sense of wonder. I kept looking at my watch, wondering when we could start the next movie. It was just all episodes of things that seemed very loosely connected. I found it hard to find the plot of this movie. I started noticing something that began the slow erosion of my hope of Rowling’s story-telling abilities.

The Prisoner of Azkhaban–This one was okay, but I was still bored. I couldn’t put my finger on why, but I think I didn’t really care about the characters too much. Maybe? Still couldn’t figure it out…but my fears from the previous movie became glaring in this movie.

The Goblet of Fire–I liked this one the best. It was fun. I thought how they got Harry into the challenge was very contrived, but I shrugged and went along with it. It was a fun story, and I am definitely not team Edward, so it was good to see him die. To me, this was the best HP movie in the series.

The Order of the Phoenix–Meh. This one was boring too. I couldn’t get into it. All the back story of the Order and the SAME GLARING ERROR I saw in the other three movies was in this one too. (I will delve into this shortly). And once again, what’s with the Quidditch matches? They don’t really seem to serve any point but to have a bunch of kids fly around on brooms?

The Half-Blood Prince–Really? This movie blew chunks. And when we found out who the Half-blood prince was…um…it made no sense…and why would I care? This movie was just silly. The only fun was getting to see more of Voldemort. He is a fun bad guy.

Okay, so before I get to the final movie(s). I want to get something off my chest.
I first noticed this in the second movie, and then I watched for it. And I saw. A lot. And it ruined it. It was two things, really. Firstly: whenever Harry would get into any sort of pickle or problem, he NEVER USED HIS MAGIC. He either fortuitously dropped his wand, or was caught off guard and had to fight without his magic. Okay, maybe that’s what Rowling was going for. Some statement that magic isn’t the answer for everything. I dislike that to the Nth degree. This is a story about a boy wizard. THE FREAKING CHOSEN ONE. And yet, he never used his magic to get out of situations. Secondly: Harry never actually got himself out of any of the situations he was in. And this one was the deal killer for me. He always got help from an adult or an outside force. Every. Single. Effing. Time. Sure, he was brave going into these situations, but—VOILA! deus ex machina at the end of every problem. Once I spied these two items, I was able to call the end of every scene. And it ruined it for me, because the hero never won the fights at the end of the stories.

My wife finally had to tell me to shut up because I was like, “Oh, he’s about to drop his wand.” Then I would say, “Oh, Snape was in the cave and will now come out and save Harry from the werewolves.” or “Oh, which adult is going to magically appear and save him this time? Dumbledore? Hagrid? (who saved him in the alley and countless other times.)  Rowling seemed to have an adult just standing around waiting to save Harry whenever he got in over his head. And that, to me at least, is lazy writing. Oh, and every new teacher was always either the bad guy or was involved in the plot. Maybe these things aren’t as apparent when you watch the movies apart or read them, but it was achingly apparent watching them all back-to-back. And Quidditch. What’s the point? Is it like obligatory? I don’t even understand the game. Why are there all the other players trying to make goals, when all that needs to be done is for the Seeker to grab the little golden ball? Huh? I was confused.

So I come to the finale. We schedule a time aside to watch The Deathly Hollows all at once. I was looking forward to it, because I wanted to see if Rowling actually had the hero not just be brave, but actually GET OUT OF THE FINAL PICKLE ON HIS OWN.

The first movie was a complete snorefest. I mean, they just hang out in the wilderness for a few weeks while they try to figure out the horcruxes? (And yeah, I figured out that Harry was one too). I was like…um…shouldn’t they be DOING something besides just hiding out in a tent? Then Ron gets mad, then Ron comes back. Exciting stuff. What was the point of him leaving to begin with?
An hour could have been cut from that movie.
I read somewhere that the DH part 2 was basically just an entire fight scene, so when it came time to start that one, I was finally excited. Boy, there were some good fight scenes, but there were a lot of boring crap too in the beginning.

And to be honest, I didn’t understand the ending of the movie at all.

They tell us Harry must die (which I guessed) which I was fine with.
So Harry opens up the seeker gold ball and (SHOCKING!) the resurrection stone comes out. Then he drops it. Huh? Then he goes to meet old Voldy. Voldy hits him with his wand. Harry gets hit. Then next we see Harry in the afterlife. Or, I guess we don’t, since Dumbledore tells him it’s all in his head, and he can go back if he wants to. (anti-climactic much?) So like…um…Harry didn’t need to die after all? Or did he die and then got brought back to life by the resurrection stone? What was the point of the resurrection stone? Was all this explained in the book? And then, when Drako’s mom comes over, she leans over Harry and says, “Drako, is Harry alive?” And Harry nods his head. I was so utterly and completely confused, I almost went to order the book online so I could read the ending for myself, because whoever the director of the movie was, he just made this hot mess of an ending that made zero sense. And what the hell was that bloody Voldemort mess under that table in the white dream Harry was having? Seriously! This is supposed to be a kids movie and all this complete and utter nonsense is taking place?! How is a 12 year old supposed to make sense of all this?

And then at the end, Harry and Voldy fight as Hermione and Ron kill the snake. As in: once again, someone else did the deed. Hell, the two lovers didn’t even kill the snake. Some spare with buck teeth from the rest of the movie did. What the hell!!?

Oh, and another thing: when Harry and his pals went into Bellatrix’s vault, where the GOBLIN TOLD THEM THERE WAS A FAKE VERSION OF THE SWORD, didn’t Harry throw him the fake version? The goblin wouldn’t have been able to tell in the heat of the moment.

Then we see 19 years later, Harry taking his kid to Hogwarts. Uh. Ok. Cool? *shrugs*.

I guess that’s my entire feeling of the Harry Potter movie series. Shrug.

We were in one scene where Harry and his pals were going to the Ministry of Magic, and no one in my living room could figure out why they were going there. My daughter (12) even said, “I don’t know why they do anything they do.”

Touche’.
Now will come all the people telling me I simply must read the books and that I will understand so much more after reading the books. And the books were so much better than the movies.  Sure, sure. I get it. I get it BIG time. However, when I watched the Lord of the Rings movies…(even after reading the books) I could make sense of the story. I could understand what the stakes were and the ending (While somewhat anticlimactic) was good. The movies, while an interpretation of the books, are still their own entity and must tell a cohesive story on their own.

Am I one of the few who just don’t get it, or am I not giving it a fair shake because I am going strictly on the movies?

Now, with that out of the way, see if you can tell me after reading below how writing a book is like painting a room…and why so many people never finish that book they wanted to write. I will make one quick observation afterward.

We decided we were going to paint our living room. It’s been the same color for about 10 years now, and I am tired of it. So we spent a few days collecting the paint chips and holding them up to the walls. I wanted something green this time. Something earthy, but springy. My wife wasn’t sure.  The day of reckoning came, and when we pulled into Home Depot, I realized I’d left all my paint chips at the house and I I couldn’t tell them apart in the store.

Needless to say, I wasn’t happy.

I picked a chip from random that appeared relatively close to what I thought I’d had before.  We got some fresh supplises while the overcussing dude at Home Depot put it into the computer. A few minutes later, I took my three gallons home with me. If the shade was off a little, so be it.

Once we got home, we had to “prep” the room. For any of you seasoned painters out there, you know what this entails. Laying down the drop cloths (both plastic and cloth, since we were painting over the carpet) stretching out the blue painters tape, removing wall hangings, moving furniture, etc.

Well, my wife wanted no part of that.

She just wanted to paint.

Screw the prep work. She was appalled that it would take a good hour to remove the light switches, do all the taping, stirring the paint.  She just wanted to paint. She didn’t want to do all the prep work necessary to actually put the stuff on the wall.

Well, then we started to paint. I did most of the cutting while she and my daughter did the rollers. Awesome. Cutting takes the most of amount of time, so I was up and down ladders for first two hours, taking a short dive off one accidently too.
So we got the first coat on. Just needed to let it dry for about 30 minutes, then put the second coat on.

My wife didn’t want to put the second coat on. She was done. She painted the walls, and they looked passable to her. She bemoaned the fact that she would have to start rolling her brush over all the walls again while I did another round of cutting. To be clear, my wife’s never really painted too many walls in her time. Me? I’ve painted every wall in this house at least twice–including the ceiling.

So I had to tell her that just one coat wouldn’t cut it. If you wanted to do the job right and complete, you had to slap on a second coat. And then you had to do clean up.
She would have no part of it and said she was going to clean the kitchen. That left my daughter and I to finish the painting and then the monumental task of cleaning up. (To say nothing of the fine touches I applied to the next day, to even out the edges on the baseboards. You know–that final polish.)

So, if you’ve written your fair share of stories, I think you can see how my wife would fall into the category of that person you meet who says, “I really want to write a book!” But then they never put in the up front time to prepare, or the follow up time to finish the job and to finally polish it.

The idea for this blog post hit me as I was laying the painter’s tape down, all the preparation that is necessary.

If you’re doing NaNoWriMo, you’ve probably already done the prepping stage for your story. Make sure you do the second coat, and the final clean up work too.

Here’s the green I got. I’m pretty happy with it overall.